Earwigs in my garden...

Warning: This image is not for queasy stomachs.... Oh, I guess I should have put that in the heading BEFORE you all looked....

I hate earwigs. They are vile squirmy little creatures who like to hide in moist, dark places, lurking in the shadows, just waiting to frighten some poor, unsuspecting soul....

Earwigs have been a curse and a plague to me since I was a kid. I used to find them crawling across the floor of my childhood bathroom, their ugly brown bodies and pincers displayed upon the burnt orange linoleum. I used to get a small wad of toilet paper and cringe as I felt the pop of the exoskeleton, and then I would gag as the strong putrid smell of the dead little creature wafted up from is crushed remains. I sometimes threw the carcass and toilet paper in the garbage, but I was always afraid the bug might not be completely deceased, and could potentially crawl out after me. I decided flushing the pests down the toilet was preferable.

I have a good reason to despise earwigs. They not only used to crawl across the floor, but they more often were found hiding in most inconvenient places. As a kid I shared a bathroom with my brother and sister. We had an adorable little orange (to match the linoleum) wooden whale toothbrush holder. I believe it had four holes drilled in to hold our toothbrushes in the upright position. Now, what happens when you put a toothbrush in a holder like that? The left over water drains down the handle of the toothbrush and puddles at the bottom of the holder. The earwigs thought this was great, and we used to pull our toothbrushes out to find earwigs on the handles of them or lounging in the bottom of the holes. Here's something worse--at one time my mom bought us toothbrush covers for the heads of our toothbrushes, and, yep, you guessed it, we had to stop using them because we would pull our brushes out and find earwigs laying like lumps of toothpaste across the bristles.

After I moved from the country to the city I wasn't plagued by earwigs as much. My life was much improved, and some of my anxiety decreased when I brushed my teeth or moved things around while cleaning the bathroom. I let down my guard, relaxed, and lived to regret it. One day I decided to fill a plastic mug with cold ice water. I used the plastic straw that came with the cup (like the cups and straws you get at the hospital). I drew up a long suck of cool water, and I felt a hard piece of something hit the inside of my mouth. At the same moment I tasted a foul acrid taste. I spit into the sink, thinking I had sucked up a piece of rotten food that might have become lodged in the straw during its cycle in the dishwasher. What I saw, when I spit, was an earwig squirming in my sink. I was mortified. I spit, and spit, and spit. Then I brushed and brushed my mouth and tongue. To this day I can only drink out of those plastic straws if I'm in the hospital (like after having a baby), and then I throw the cup and straw away.

I've had an earwig in my mouth one other time. I used to tease my husband for always turning on the light to get a drink of water and rinsing his cup, even in the middle of the night. I used to simply leave the light off, fill the cup, and take a swig. I managed to nearly swallow an earwig that way, and I now ALWAYS rinse my cup before I drink out of it. I think it is a very good idea...

Okay, so now that you know more that you ever wanted to know about my past with earwigs, let's fast-forward to the present. I have a beautiful row of romaine lettuce growing in my garden, and four rows of corn. I decided to harvest some of the lettuce over the weekend, and guess what? It is absolutely FULL of earwigs and earwig poop. How can I eat something that appears to be crawling every time I touch it?! Last year earwigs ate all but two of my ears of corn, and it looks like they have the same idea this year as the corn is also already getting infested with earwigs. I decided to check the good old Internet for some home remedies for getting rid of earwigs. I found a suggestion for using tuna fish cans and some pantry ingredients and I decided to try it. Last night I put a can in my lettuce with the mixture, and what you see at the top of this blog is the results. That is a can full of dead earwigs. Impressive huh? All you do is mix one tablespoon each of soy sauce, molasses, and cooking oil. The soy sauce attracts the earwigs and the oil makes the can too slippery to climb out of and smothers the little pests. My dad said he heard earwigs are full of protein and soy should give them a nice taste for a stir fry.... Ugh, that is so DISGUSTING!!!!!!!! Another website said you can make the mixture with just soy sauce and cooking oil. I used molasses with the other ingredients. I also tried using a soup can because I only had one tuna can, but I didn't catch nearly as many earwigs in it, although I still did catch quite a few. Tuna cans seem like the way to go. Earwigs like to wander around at night, so put the cans out in the evening, nestled among the bases of the plants that are infested, and then dump the disgusting little bodies in the morning. I am going to put out more cans tonight..... Happy earwig hunting!